i’m really frustrated and sad with how things are. even though i am supposedly quite smart, i am horrible at actually applying myself. i’m barely passing my classes because i’ve been lazy and i feel like it’s too late to change that. even if i do well this semester, if i go to apply for jobs, i’m afraid i’m going to be constantly turned down, even if i change somehow. i even feel like, with how things are, even if i was a straight A student who works hard, i’d still have a difficult time. i’m afraid of growing up, and i’m scared that i’ll have to become a boring, dull, miserable adult just to survive, and that just doesn’t agree with me. i want to be happy and live a happy life but i feel like with the choices i’ve made that will be pretty much impossible. i’m just really unsure of what to do, and i feel like i can’t talk to anyone i know about this without being ignored or them not taking me seriously, and the fact that even my mother thinks i’m full of shit and just “whining” when i try to talk to her just makes things even worse. i don’t even know what i want to do outside of high school. i can’t picture myself graduating probably because what comes after scares the living shit out of me. i’ve tried to “get over it” but that isn’t working at all. i feel like things are only going to get worse.